Hi there! It’s me. ^_^
So, first on the agenda: Starting in February, because I had too much to say this month, apparently, I’ll be updating the blog less frequently. Likely every other week, but sometimes there’ll be an update two weeks in a row because of reading updates that happen at the very end or top of every month.
I know. You’re so heartbroken. Actually, I know it’s totally fine, but I want to bring it up anyway. I’m doing this for only one reason, and it’s because I associate this blog with writing. Since I’m not writing very much, I honestly don’t know what to say. And between work, my Youtube channel that I insist on updating, my other hobbies, and the amount of books I need to read to stay sane right now, I need to lighten the load a tiny bit. For the time being.
Once upon a time, I could have talked about writing all day. It was literally never exhausting. To me. Now, if I bring it up – IF – it’s mostly a jumbled mess of me trying to figure things out. That makes for a very incoherent blog post, and no one wants to read that. Including me. I’ve tried.
Sometimes, I have moments of clarity that make me wonder why I’ve wasted so many years of my life on writing novels when I seem incapable of writing the kind of book that I want. I feel like I’m really good at basic entertainment, but I’m not satisfied with that, and it ends up eating away at any joy I can feel for a project: all the ways I’ve let myself down and fallen short.
In the absence of writing, I’ve had a lot of time to relax, creatively speaking, and a lot of time to think. Mainly I decided to not think too much about it right now, but sometimes I can’t help it. I can’t help but notice things about other books while I’m reading – things I like and don’t like – skillsets that are naturally harder or easier for me – things I love about great books that are seemingly impossible to attain. I can’t help it – should I try again, are novellas a better fit for my writing style and disposition, do I just need to not try to do anything for five years, should I force myself to try because maybe it’s just a mental block, is it better for me to just quit now because I literally don’t have it in me to write a great book?
The mad scientist in me wants to experiment with some story-related things when I’m having a really good day and the subject of writing rears its hideous face, but there’s still no real energy for it. It’s like the amount of creative energy it takes for me to write a song, for example, is so low compared to the amount of energy it takes to write a chapter of a book. And sometimes, on a bad day, I think it’s because I shouldn’t be writing books, because it shouldn’t be that draining, is what I’m thinking. So, right now I’m just thinking about things, from time to time, and letting the thoughts just sit there and be. There’s nothing else to do with them, except to let them exist while I watch them float by. And when jealousy rears up and points out all the ways a book I love is so much better than anything I can do for whatever reason, I just sit there and let it soak into my skin.
So, as I love the old blog, I decided the most stress-free option is to update it less frequently. I’m trying to fix my chronic insomnia, because I can’t function on such little sleep anymore. I’m in my 30s. 😛
Which brings me to my final point: topics on said aforementioned blog will be more random than in previous years, encompassing other interests I have, maybe, or just me popping in to say that I finally started watching Bridgerton and I love all that shameless gossiping so much.
I know this is also totally fine, but I wanted to mention it. 🙂