Back when I started this blog, 8 years ago now, I always made sure I acknowledged all the significant moments. Not so much anymore, but July is the blog’s birthday month, as well as the month I set aside to celebrate the anniversary of my first finished novel attempt.
These days, I don’t feel like celebrating anything writing-related. While this isn’t the case, I want to blame it on replacing my computer in March. Because there was a delay in getting the new one, I ended up with homeless files for around a month. While I was fine, I just didn’t feel like myself. Then I decided to declutter the house, and in true me fashion, I threw all my energy into that and burnt myself out, and then STILL had to pack and continue decluttering while running on fumes after deciding to move. It’s an art, really. Don’t try it.
Then I’ve been in a hotel for the last three weeks. And again, while I’m totally fine, I feel weird. And of course we’re not closing on the house on time. I was supposed to close today, and the builder was like, “Can I have another week?” And my real estate agent was like, “No.” So he asked to have until Friday, and she’s like, “Do your best to be finished by Thursday,” and she swears up and down that he’s never like this, but he just started building up a new neighborhood, and she thinks he’s overstretched himself.
It doesn’t matter. I just need to know when it’s going to be over and if I need to reschedule the movers and deliveries again. But the good news is that they were almost done and didn’t really need an extra week, so it’s looking like we’ll close on Friday, at the latest, Thursday at the earliest. And one or two days late isn’t so bad, in theory. Because I had to reschedule things, though, I’m not going to have a refrigerator until Sunday, but everything else is due Saturday, which I’m fine with. As long as I have internet, which is going up Friday whether I have keys or not. 😛
Seriously. They agreed to let me into the house if we haven’t closed yet, because that’s the only thing I couldn’t push back a couple of days or three. It would be a week, and that sounds worse than not having a bed or a refrigerator. Which I’m sure says something about my priorities, but there ya go.
Of course, I feel displaced and all this has been kind of stressful to the point where I almost wish I could embrace minimalism, because how nice would it be if my entire life could fit inside a suitcase?! ^_^
But all this is part of life. The world turns upside down sometimes. People move all the time. People with a lot of stuff move all the time. I’m just moving across town. I’m not moving to Versailles. It’s weird and I feel homesick and it’s stressful, but it’s not upsetting.
I do feel really out of sorts about my writing, however, and it’s been going on far longer than I would like. I can’t drum up enough excitement for a proper anniversary post, and anytime someone brings writing up, I feel super tense, like an agitated cat with the rounded back and spiky fur and hissing. That’s me whenever someone asks me about my writing.
Really honestly though, I felt this way last year. 2019’s anniversary post was a complete mess behind the scenes.
What you guys saw was a nice happy post about my blog being 7 and how I found some song lyrics on my Voice Memos app, but the reality is that what I posted was attempt NUMBER SEVEN at an anniversary post. I did admit in that post that it took me five tries to write the previous year’s anniversary post, because I was also in a very bad mood in 2018. Last year, I spent I don’t know how long writing and rewriting and deleting, and I still have two versions of it saved for prosperity.
But I was a complete mess. And I had been for about three years. And I’m not sure why I let it go on so long. I guess I didn’t want to deal with it. And I didn’t want to take a break. I don’t consider what I’m doing now to be taking a break really. I’m just…not writing. Much. Because as much I pretend to quit, I’m still sneaking off to doodle in a Word document or in the Notes app. Like an addict.
Like, I know it’s fine, logically. I can do other things. I want to catch up on my reading goal right now. I want to get my stuff back and unpack and organize everything. But I’ve been writing for so long, it’s just really unpleasant when it’s not going well.
This year, however, I have just this one attempt at an anniversary post. I’m not in a bad mood, so there’s no need to write 50 versions of it.
I guess what I really need to do about my writing is stop pretending like I’m going to quit, and then write when I finally can’t take not writing anymore. 😀
I guess, too, that it’s hard for me to be a bad mood because my personal world isn’t falling apart right now, and I’m grateful for that. It’s kind of hard to be grateful and pissy at the same time.
That said, that doesn’t mean I’m in the mood to throw confetti all over the blog. There’s a lot of writing-related posts on here, so the two are kind of in the same basket, but I love blogging, so I still want to wish the Blog a Happy Birthday. 🙂