Writing Journey

You Tried…Now, It’s Over: A Monologue

Scenario: You sacrificed months of your time slaving over a novel. Weeks slaving over a query letter and synopsis. And months querying and losing sleep over the crickets chirping in your inbox. Now, you’re exhausted. You’ve garnered a bunch of rejections! Got a bit a interest (or NONE!), but ultimately, you find yourself still without representation. What do you do now? 

There are a few options. You can edit and keep trying. You can not edit and keep trying. You can re-evaluate some things and see if you’d like to go with a small press. You can re-evaluate and see if you’d like to self-publish. You can just throw yer crap up on the internet somewhere for free. Or you can do what I always do: Give up and shelve that sucker in a special file on your computer covered in dust because it is so rarely opened.

This is the thing folks, the cold Yeti truth, if you insist on going the traditional route, you are going to have to shelf perfectly good stories. Maybe they’ll get another looksie one day, but they might not, and this might break you. There are words like, heartbreaking and soul-crushing and melancholia that can describe how it feels to shelve story after story. You have to be able to get back on your feet again. If you can’t, this route isn’t for you.

Of course you might think, “If it’s a perfectly good story, would I have to be shelving it right now? Wouldn’t SOMEONE have taken notice?!” The sad truth remains: sometimes it really is the market, but sometimes, you just can’t convince someone that working on your crap for no pay will be worth it one day.

The first thing I ask myself when I feel like the biggest failure and wish to crawl into a hole and sleep forever: Do I want to keep trying? The answer to this question will determine if I’m going to ask myself any more questions. If the answer is I don’t know, that’s the equivalent of me saying no, so I just move on.

If the answer is “Yes” and honestly, this happens less than half of the time, I move on to these questions:

1) What do I think is wrong with the story? What can be better? How can I fix it?
1a) Do I even want to make these changes?
2) Do I want to keep querying? After all, I have NEVER actually exhausted my query list.
3) Do I want to look at publishers that take unagented submissions?
3a) Who am I comfortable submitting to if I do?
4) Do I want to do more research on self-publishing?

I have broken down completely a couple of times. The second time, I picked myself up by telling myself that I ONLY had to try “one more time.” Then I did and a little something good actually happened. So now I can try “one more time” again. When I broke that first time, though, it was really bad, and some people said,”Why even bother with agents, they’re just the middleman, why don’t you self-publish?”

Why don’t I, indeed? After all, on a good day I think I’m a really great writer. But the short answer is, I don’t think self-publishing should be my backup plan when I don’t get what I want – especially when it’s something I didn’t want to do with the story in the first place. I have a friend who has been trying to talk me into self-publishing for two years because she thinks querying agents is a lost cause. Isn’t that a nice anthem to go to bed to?

Having queried 7 different stories and going into the query trenches no less than 10 times between all of them, I am now running the risk of being considered insane for continuing on this path. I can’t say I’ve read too many success stories with people who had to query more than three or four different novels. A lot of times it’s even less. Sometimes I feel like I’m not trying hard enough – like when I read a story about someone who sent out 90 queries or a 100 or queried for a year. Because of this, I sent out about 40 more queries for DISCORD than I wanted, and waited several months longer than normal to give up. But it’s like, would sending out 10 more queries make that big of a difference? I don’t think so. People look at me like I’m giving up. “Don’t you want to fight for it? Don’t you want to be published? Don’t you care?”

It doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you had a vision for that story that involved getting an agent and that didn’t happen. There are only so many queries you can send out before you’re crazy. I think for me to move forward after querying 70 agents is crazy. To be honest, keeping hope alive for this story is the very last thing I want to do. The whole experience of writing and querying it was exhausting. Sometimes you really just want to move on. It’s probably hard to believe, I know my sister doesn’t believe me, but candles can only burn so long before they go out.

So after all this, what do I when I know it’s over? I move the story in question to the story graveyard with the rest of my crap and move on with my life. Because I have to keep writing, don’t I? I have a pie-in-the-sky dream to chase. You can’t fly if you let another story keep you tethered to the ground.


  • Sunflower Michelle

    I mean, I’ve only queried the one novel and even then, I only queried about 15 agents. And I said that one of the reasons I decided to go ahead and self-pub Pearl was that it wasn’t a full-length book. A novella felt less like a trap for plot holes to me–and whenever I finish this ridiculous novel I’m working on now, I’d ideally like to find an agent and try to get trade published. That’s the dream, anyway. But then, you know, sometimes dreams need adjustments and edits. Your genres sell well on self-publishing platforms–YA, supernatural, fantasy. You could always try putting a shorter story or one you really, really want read and see how it goes for you. You can always query future projects 🙂

    • Krystal Jane

      I probably am crazy, but I know it’s really not an impossible dream, so I guess I still think it’s worth the effort. Which actually surprises me to say – some days I definitely don’t think so. If I could write shorter stories that were any good, I would probably look into self-publishing more…maybe.

  • Thea Landen

    I’ve got a manuscript that’s been collecting dust for almost two years now that I’m trying to decide what to do with (after a number of rejections). I might edit like crazy, I might self-publish (after some edits), or I might just leave it where it is.

    The thing is, I KNEW when I sent it out that it wasn’t my very best work. I mean, it’s not incoherent trash, but I’ve done better, you know? I do still have a fondness for the characters, so that’s what’s complicating my decision whether to see if there’s something to salvage or just kiss it goodbye.

    Short version: BEEN THERE.

    • Krystal Jane

      I have a story that I’m trying to make that same kind of decision with right now. I don’t know if I want to do extensive edits or just let it continue to collect dust. Erg! Decisions!!

  • Michelle Tran (@michelletwrites)

    I love your last line. It kind of makes me want to write it on a post it and stick it above my desk. Sometimes you gotta move on. I haven’t been through what you’ve been through having only queried one of my projects and I think I only queried twenty before throwing in the towel. So I admire your tenacity, bravery, and courage. I have a feeling your perseverance is going to pay off. You’ll get that pie. Just as long as you never give up.

    • Krystal Jane

      Thank you!! ^_^ I don’t think it’s hopeless or a lost cause…not yet. 🙂 But yeah, sometimes we just really need to move on. Sometimes our old stuff keeps us stuck. Hopefully you won’t have to try as long as I have though!

  • Crystal Collier

    Truthfully, I think querying is pretty much a lost cause. Contests and live pitches are totally the way to go. In fact, contests are the best. You want agents coming to you, not the other way around. No one can judge the merit of your book based on a couple paragraphs. Getting sample pages into their hands, now that’s a different story.

    • Krystal Jane

      I have my eye on a couple of contests this fall if I can swing it, but I’ve actually had better luck with querying. Which is probably kind of depressing, but that’s been my experience thus far. It would be great if an agent wanted to chase after me, but they are rather outnumbered.

  • Tonja Drecker

    At this time in life (I say this because who knows what the future holds), I have the same mind-set as you. I know many wonderful self-published authors and am glad they made the choice that’s right for them, but it’s not the route I want to go. . .not my goal. And as to a shelved MS not being good enough, I think you’re right about a lot of it depending on the market. It’s a tough business, but we know that. 70 queries isn’t a lot, but it also depends on what kind of responses one is getting. And yep, we always need to chase the next story too. We’ll get there. Someday and party when we do 😉

    • Krystal Jane

      Yeah, party! Can’t wait! ^_^
      Who knows indeed. 10 more years of this and I may become a professional embalmer! Right now, though, yeah, it’s not the right path for me. And query response definitely has a lot to do with how long I will try and how many people I will bug. 🙂 Also, how much faith I have in the story.

  • sandiedocker

    I’ve heard best-selling authors talk about it being their 6th or 10th MS that got them noticed. And those earlier MSs go on to be published later. Only you know if any given story is worth trying to persevere with. So many variables. The only thing I know for sure is a writer has to write. We will keep going K, and one day we will look back on these query trench days and laugh (possibly maniacally from inside an ‘institution’, but still…)

    • Krystal Jane

      That’s funny. 🙂 It’s hard sometimes to judge if we’re making the right decision. We just have to go with that little barely audible voice that tells us to keep pushing forward.

  • karla

    aren’t we all a little crazy?? >=S
    I don’t even know where I stand on this anymore. Bleghh. Michelle A. is right–your genre sells wells self-pubbed. Am sure it’s hard but lots of fun!

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