You’re in for a treat today! In celebration of the month I finished my first ever novel project – 21 years ago – I’m embarrassing the crap out of myself by pulling out the opening sentences of some old projects and displaying them for your enjoyment, because we all need a good laugh sometimes. 😀
Note: Unless otherwise stated, the stories have a contemporary/modern-day or near-future setting. If the story is finished, I’ll put the date, otherwise it’ll just be marked as abandoned. 😅
Untitled First Novel (romance?) – circa 1997
“Beep! Beep! Beep!” I turned off my alarm clock and opened my eyes. I looked around my room.
First, yes I’m laughing. Second, what the hell? This was over TWO DECADES ago, people. That’s my excuse. LOL!
“The Butterfly” Version One (paranormal/historical) – abandoned
Some 600 years later
Fawn Goven tumbled out of the sky and into a tree before falling flat on her face into the ground. She lifted her head and started spitting dirt and grass out of her mouth.
Some 600 years after what? I have no idea. The prologue could not be found. I don’t think this is too terrible actually. It’s been a long time, so I have no idea what is going on, but I’m intrigued. I would keep reading to find out. LOL!
“The Butterfly” Version Two (paranormal/historical)
A few years later about forty people, made their way into the abandoned town. A man stepped up and turned to face the crowd. “Place looks clean,” he said.
LOL! Still no prologue to be found. In any case, I do know what’s going on this time from the context, but all I can do is laugh at it.
“The Tiara” (historical/paranormal) – circa 2000
Prologue – 1600
The crowd cheered as the evil Queen’s reign was brought to an end as two guardsmen tossed her body into the burning flames. The cheers quieted down as the king approached the flames holding a ruby and emerald studded tiara.
Chapter One – some 75 years later
“Here comes the princess!” “Oh, she’s so pretty!”
Okay. LOL! This is just gross. No wonder these “novels” are separated from the rest of the graveyard. They have their own special place in story hell.
“The Mummy” (paranormal/adventure?) – abandoned
“Where’s the mail?” Dawn asked her mom walking into the kitchen with her best friend Alyson Brandon.
“On the table,” answered Mrs. McBride without turning away from the stove.
😭 So freaking boring! No wonder I didn’t finish this. I bored myself to death. LOL!
The Amulet? (paranormal) – abandoned
They’re coming for me. I don’t know what’s going to happen. In the event that I don’t make it through this, I want you to give the amulet to my daughter.
This was a letter. I don’t know what’s going to happen either. LOL! Reading ahead, I see that it’s modern day, and that this might be the one mermaid story I tried to write.
Alana Jasper crept slowly up to her father’s office doorway. Her father and his secretary were in there arguing loudly. Alana dived into the seaweed beside the door and listened.
Hmm…There is seaweed where now? Inside…outside…hmm…this is not good.
Untitled Witch Project – abandoned
“I hate goodbyes,” Mahogany Mayhem said to her to her soon-to-be step-sister. “I don’t know if I want to come back here next year. Then I’ll have to go through this all over again.” She shook her head.
“Don’t be that way,” Kricket Trachenburg said. “Just think of all the fun we had this summer. Besides we’re not leaving till tomorrow morning. I vote that you forget all about it and let yourself have fun at the party tonight.”
First of all, this had a prologue? Really? Second, points for names. LOL! Third, I think some creatures crash the party that night, but I don’t remember.
“He keeps asking me out,” Mahogany told Kricket during their parent’s wedding reception. “I keep telling him that we’re cousins and it’s gross, but he won’t take no for an answer. He always like, ‘It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me.’ I just want to scream at him at the top of my lungs that this is Florida and we don’t do stuff like that here!”
LOLOL! This gave me the second best laugh out of everything. I only typed this out to see where it was going. LOL! Why?! 😀
Untitled Vampire/Witch Project (crosses multiple time periods) – abandoned
The music drifted quietly down the corridor. Autumn stood beside the window. She gently pressed a hand against the smooth pane of glass. It shattered.
Okay. I’ve read worse. I actually remember this, too. She’s not dreaming, but this was a dream that I had. My dreams don’t usually translate into stories very well. This is no exception.
Another Untitled Witch Project – abandoned
“You are so lucky, Hannah,” Raye Williamson said to her best friend as they walked home from school. “I still can’t believe my mom wants to send me to finishing school in France. Again.”
“I wish you could come to New Salem Haven with me, Raye,” Hannah Phillips told her. “I can’t believe your parents are doing this to you. It’s not fair. Everyone knows that New Salem Haven is the best summer learning resort for young witches.”
LOLOLOLOLOL! (catches breath) OMG. LOL! BEST laugh ever. WORST dialogue ever. My stomach hurts. 😀
“Played for a Fool” (vampire thriller-wannabe) – circa 2001
He was chasing her. She could hear him. Hear the quick thundering of his feet. Hear each sharp breath that he took.
Points for opening up with a dream sequence. 😀 I kind of like these first couple of sentences though. Yeah, this story is a mess if I ever saw one, but it’s my favorite title for a project from high school. As you can probably tell, the title competition thus far is a joke.
“The Stone of Shadix” /”Shadow Wielder” (vampire thriller again) – circa 2002
“Don’t fight it,”
she warned him. You will only make it worse.”
The guy ignored her warning and started screaming and clawing at the shadow tearing at his neck.
This was actually a good time to have a prologue for once. It’s poorly written as a whole, but the idea was decent. And yes, I had actually crossed that out in the composition book.
Brad Brushels, Jr turned to the side and
winked at checked out his reflection one last time.
“Are you excited?” asked his step-father from the doorway.
This story is littered with editorial notes. It’s kind of hard to read actually. This is why I don’t print stuff out and edit them. It’s too hard on my eyes. Can I get some points for the worst title ever?
I think this is a good place to stop showing off. 😛
That was fun. LOL! ^_^ One of these days, I’m going to just curl up and have a reading marathon of this stuff. It’s so funny, and it just really reminds me of how much I love writing. And the best part is, most of the stories are actually pretty interesting. LOL! It’s a self-esteem boost all around. 😀
This week on YouTube I had too much fun doing a work-in-progress tag for “Winter’s Siren.” ^_^