Confidence is hard. Not just in writing. In everything. But especially, it seems, with artistic pursuits. I have these moments sometimes where I’m almost over-confident in my stories and my abilities. I know I’m a good writer. Sometimes I even think I’m really good. When I’m reading a story I wrote and I’m so excited that I’m crying and laughing, I might even call myself a creative genius. But most of the time I think even being really good isn’t good enough. That I somehow have to posses something even greater, something I don’t have. Something I can’t get through hard work. I guess it’s just that “it” factor. The same “it” factor that despite something not being well-written or even good, there’s still something highly likeable about it, and if I don’t have it, all the talent and hard work in the world won’t help me.
But let’s say talent and hard work do help. And I think it does (most of the time). Then we enter a whole new world of neurosis that has nothing to do with having “it” and all about being great. Because being really good still isn’t good enough. I have to be great. And I’m not great. Suzanne Collins is great. In fact, I found Catching Fire so amazing, it inspired me out a 3 year writing slump. It lit such a fire under my ass that I haven’t stopped writing since. I guess you could say it brought me back to life (cue Celine Dion ^_^). Because it gave me a reason to keep trying despite the many brick walls the universe deems fit to throw in my path. I want to make people feel the way she made me feel when I was reading that book: deliriously excited about the story I’m telling and emotionally invested on an insane level.
To be honest: I don’t know if I can. Though really it depends on the hour of the day you ask me. At noon I may be super excited and tell you that I think I’m so freaking amazing I can’t stand it. After lunch, I may be close to tears and ready to shelve my story into the darkest corner of my hard drive. It’s maddening almost. And I hate to get a case of the “not good enoughs” like this when I’m so close to querying again, but isn’t this exactly when it happens? We have these attacks on our confidence right when we need it the most?
So, today I’m also going to accept a couple of awards that were passed on to me. One was such a long time ago that I could kick myself, but it makes me happy so I’m going to talk about it anyway. ^_^
The Sunshine Award via the inspiring Beverly at The Beveled-Edge in which I answer 10 questions about myself and then pass it along to other peeps.
Then I have the Versatile Blogger Award from rock star Crystal Collier (which was thankfully only a couple of weeks ago), in which I state 7 facts about myself and then pass it along. ^_^
Fave color: Purple! Surprised? Did you think it’d be blue? ^^ It’s purple. All shades of purple, but the deep, color of royalty purple is my favoritest.
Fave animal: Panda Bears! They’re just so cute. They don’t look real. I want to hold one one day and squeeze it.
Fave number: 26, don’t know why. Maybe because it’s the number 13 twice and I was born on the 13th so I just embrace it. ^^
Fave non-alcoholic drink: Water. Lol! Really…
Fave alcoholic drink: Hmm, I don’t drink very often, but I’d have to say cranberry & vodka…but really any kind of juice and vodka. I do like screwdrivers. ^^
Facebook or Twitter: Twitter. I don’t even remember to get on Facebook most of the time.
Passions: Well, other than writing, I LOVE singing and reading and movies.
Prefer giving or getting presents? I like making stuff and then giving them as gifts and having people tell me how great it turned it out. Lol! I hardly ever actually have enough ingredients to make something for myself, so the feedback is really nice. Plus I can always use the self-esteem boost. ^^
Fave city? Hadrian’s Wall in Upper Denton (between Northern England and Scotland) – Yeah, this probably isn’t quite a city, especially since I can’t quite remember exactly where it is. I just know I loved it. It’s such an amazingly beautiful place, and I could have stayed there forever.
Fave TV Shows: Um…TV? Lol! I don’t have a current favorite. I’m doing good if I even remember to watch it before my DVR threatens to delete it. So, hands down Married with Children, Xena, Warrior Princess, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Nanny. (And I could name more old shows, but then I’m going to look crazy.)
And for this I’m nominating the following bloggers that bring Sunshine to the blogosphere: the triple awesome Michelle Athy over at The Sunflower’s Scribbles and the wondrous & energetic Karla Gomez over at Peace, Love, & Books.
7 Random Facts
1 – I had a crawling ivy plant once. It died outside during a frost in the middle of April (in Tennessee).
2 – I love Chai Tea Frappucinos! And Green Tea Frappucinos, too. ^^
3 – I’m half blind and I have asymmetrical astigmatism, so I love my contacts more than I love Chai Tea Frappucinos.
4 – I love pens! I could tell you how many I have, but then you’d have me institutionalized. Also, I bought a new one last week. (It’s a liquid pencil! Seriously folks, I didn’t have one.)
5 – I’m the middle child with an older sister and younger brother and yes, I have the complex.
6 – I’m obsessed with lip balm. I have about half as many lip balms as I have pens. XD
7 – I’m obsessed with perfume bottles. Especially those old-fashioned ones with the giant pump-thing. ^^