Late Autumn Rambling

A few weeks ago, I woke up to an email from a non-fiction author about how he gets lazy this year (#same), and that to counteract this, he was going to add a long list of things to accomplish by the end of the year, in addition to whatever else he has to do. At first, I was like, “This is a great idea!” And it would be a great idea in ordinary circumstances.

But while I was sitting there thinking about things to add to my own productivity list, I started to feel stressed. I could 100% probably finish another book by the end of the year. Thing is: I just really don’t want to. I’m not currently tired, as of the day and time I’m writing this, but a few weeks ago, I was exhausted. The thought of pushing myself to do anything was making the exhaustion worse. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to do anything at all.

So, I decided that my only goal between now and the end of the year is to figure out a way to get to bed, lights off, by 1:00. That may sound late, but for the last 18 months or so, it’s been the most difficult thing ever for me to fall asleep before 4:00, regardless of when I go to bed, but I figure, going to bed earlier has to help right? Like, I’m not a vampire, you know.

I’m still writing a little bit, kind of, because I want to for some reason, and I’m not all that tired in general. I just realized that morning that I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life in a constant state of stress about something, and I just don’t want to stress myself out right now. And writing deadlines and long to-do lists stress me out.

I have a piece of paper on my wall that outlines how productive I can be if I get up at 7:00. Going to bed at 1:00 might actually get me there. It’s kind of interesting, to me, but the earlier I fall asleep, the less sleep I appear to need, provided I get at least 6 hours of shut eye. Of course, this list has been on my wall for at least a year. I was inspired to map it out after a webinar I attended on productivity hacks. Writing my schedule out like that helped me see that the single biggest issue is the fact that I wake up too late to do anything but rush to work in the morning. I try to make up for it by staying up late, but I’m often too tired – for obvious reasons – so everything I do takes longer and uses up energy I don’t have, so I’m always operating on a deficit.

Not to mention, that throws my brain chemistry off, and I end up obsessing about all kinds of weird things in the wee hours of the morning. The latest thing I obsessed about was what kind of contacts to get (brand and replacement schedule) and if the eye place messed up my prescription again (they did) and what I should do about it (go somewhere else next time). Took me two weeks to make a decision. Lots of long nights, and because it took me so long, my contacts didn’t show up until yesterday, and I needed to get out of the ones the eye place gave me, because my eyes hated them, and it’s a struggle with my glasses because my eyesight is so bad.

So, yeah, this is the kind of post that happens when I don’t have my crap together. I have all these posts drafts and all these writing topics I can talk about, and instead, I go on and on about how unmotivated I am.

In any case, the blog will be silent next week because of Thanksgiving, and as of typing this up, I have no idea where I’m going to be next Wednesday. So have a great Thanksgiving, if you’re in America, and I’ll see you at the end of the month! πŸ™‚

Here’s a random Ziggy comic from May 4, 2012. #relatedtothepost

6 Responses to Late Autumn Rambling

  1. Those middle of the night worry-brainstorms are the worst. I tend to have trouble with it…and in the morning, it always seems so stupid. But I do hope you get the sleep you need!
    Happy Thanksgiving and until….whenever πŸ™‚

    • Right? It’s one of those things that once I make a decision, I can’t figure out why it was a problem to begin with.

      Happy Thanksgiving! πŸ™‚

  2. I always feel similarly in the fall, though–not so much the insomnia because all I want to do is sleep in fall. That’s one of the reasons NaNo doesn’t work for me in November. I just want to sleeeppp all day.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    • I decided not to fight the urge to hibernate this year. Sometimes my brain will work for NaNo, but not most of the time.

      Happy Thanksgiving! ^_^

  3. I hear you. My motivation level has been extremely low lately (just look at my lack of blog posts!), but I’ve been taking baby steps toward going to bed earlier? Sort of? Almost there? Almost.

Hi! ^_^