Yep, I totally skipped out on blogging last week. I know everyone missed me so much!! 😛
Anyway, so…I was completely mental last week. It’s nothing that doesn’t happen from time to time. The only difference is, I was actually doing pretty well before, so to fall on my face like that after doing really well for about two months, well, it wasn’t great. And I’m still not back to my normal level of sanity, but I did finally settle on a project.
What’s that? you say. Hadn’t I already settled on a project? Why, yes, I had. And in typical me fashion, I had a huge fit all over the place. But because we learn from everything, and that’s great, I finally understand why this keeps happening.
The biggest problem is indecision paralysis mixed with the fear of choosing the wrong project. I’ve had to tell myself about 50 times over the last two weeks that there’s no such thing as the “wrong project.” Whatever I feel like writing is the right project. End of story. Seriously. But I don’t like to complain about having a lot of story ideas, because I truly love them all and hope the good ones get written one day. Thing is, I feel guilty for setting stuff aside. Especially ideas that have been with me for awhile. I feel SO guilty and worry they’ll leave me, and I don’t want them to leave me! Though honestly, if the story would actually leave me, it doesn’t deserve me. HA.
Like, I’ve mentioned this already, but there’s no pressure to get started on another story, right now. Thing is, if I don’t pick something to focus on after a while, I drive myself crazy, which is bad for my brain. I just go back and forth a few dozen times until I’ve lost my mind, which is just so unpleasant.
Like, I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m crazy. I’m not psychotic. But like, I’m not sane, if that makes sense. And seriously, it’s unpleasant.
But anyway, I finally wrote all my choices down on paper and listed why I was stalled on them. I could see that confidence issues were prevalent, sure, but outside of that, only one idea didn’t have a truckload of issues. All the other ones had plot issues or aspects I thought were stupid or were stories I just wasn’t excited enough about (cue guilt trip).
Still, I continued to fight and and haggle and pitch a fit, because like I said, I’ve been incredibly mental. Finally, Monday, I downloaded a decision maker app, put in 7 choices off the top of my head and let it choose for me. It picked a story, and while I stared at that, an awesome writer buddy offered to help out, so I texted her brief summaries of my options and why I was stuck, and she came back with two choices: a Discord rewrite (that my sister also voted for) and a story with the working title “By Any Other Name” because I’m fighting over the actual title in my notes right now. Interestingly enough, this is the same story that had the least amount of barriers in the list I made, AND it’s the story the app picked!!
No joke. I still mulled over Discord a little bit, because I actually have tentative rewriting plans. They aren’t super stable plans, but they exist. That said, BAON was the only story that I could stay excited about for more than 15 minutes, so after pitching a fit over the opening chapter too many times, it’s finally moving in the right direction, I think, but I’ll read over it when I’m feeling more sane to make sure everything is actually okay. It usually is though. This ain’t my first rodeo. 🙂
Anywho, hopefully this makes sense. I needed to officially announce what I was working on, because I need someone to make sure I don’t try and change my mind again. I’ve been wanting to write this story for a year! At the time, I was busy with other projects. Then I was burnt out and tired. Then I worked on my last project, because two last things were still bothering me that have since been settled. So, seriously, if I get on here and say I changed projects again, someone smack me. You have my permission. That said, the title is going to change at some point. But it might be awhile, because there’s no pressure to change it now. 😀
In other news, I gushed about HOUSE OF FALLING EMBERS in a video over here. ^_^