That moment when you realize you’re turning into the writer you wanted to turn into one day when you were twelve. ^_^
Sometimes it’s the little things.
I have a scene in the current project where a bunch of angry adults are yelling at each other. And I had a moment, folks. I didn’t literally step back and look at it, but it felt like time stopped for a moment, and I looked at the dialogue, and I thought to myself, “This. I love this.” 🙂
It was a nice moment. For the most part, I admittedly think everything I write is stupid. But this one little scene, with these minor characters that are hardly in the story at all – it made me feel like maybe everything isn’t so stupid after all.
I often forget how amazing creating a story can be. There am I, a regular, invisible person, at my desk, with a notebook beside me that has a messy, handwritten outline inside (which is honestly not THAT messy because I have good penmanship, but I write extra stuff all in the margins, and you get the point) – there am I, writing a story. A long story. To think, there are people out there who think the number of stories I’ve finished is amazing. They think it’s amazing because sometimes people want to write a story, but they don’t commit to getting it down, for whatever reason.
They think it’s amazing, and I often poopoo the thought because I look at it like a mountain of failure. But it isn’t a mountain of failure. I’m not sure what kind of mountain it is, but I’ve decided, if nothing else, to look at it as proof that I’m a lot more disciplined than I give myself credit for.
And it can represent other things, too. Proof that a person never really runs out of ideas. Just the other week I had an idea whiz past me. It may not turn into anything, but it was there. And I can’t watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Xena, Warrior Princess or even too many episodes of Married…with Children without getting an idea for a story or a scene of something interesting. I have entire movie scripts in my head that I think about and act out sometimes. 😉
I’m not a script writer – outside of the script writing class I took in college (which was GREAT!), I haven’t done much more than a few Sailor Moon parody plays that I wrote in the 8th grade, which I still have. I really should share them. Of course, if you’re not a Sailor Moon fan, the nicknames I gave to everyone will be totally lost on you, but I skimmed through them last summer when I was cleaning out my old nightstand before having some new bedroom furniture brought in. I have to say, they still make me laugh. I can’t think about them without smiling. 🙂
Until I decided that it just didn’t matter anymore, I never could really picture my stories on any particular bookshelf. I have actually strolled down the aisles of Barnes & Noble and thought to myself, “What about here? Would such and such story fit here?” And then sometimes I would think, “It might would fit here…but I don’t want it here, I want it it over there, but it doesn’t fit over there!”
Anyway, as with all things, as soon as I stopped stressing over it, I could finally see where the book would fit. It goes back to that same, short, scene with the fighting people. In my head, things paused for a moment, and I stepped back and thought to myself, “Oh yeah, I can see my book over there.” ^_^