I’m not going to lie – I accomplished very little writing this year. I don’t feel terrible because I accomplished other things and reached some other goals, but this is the first year I haven’t finished anything since 2010.
From Day One, I had all kinds of issues leftover from 2014, because that was, in hindsight, a rougher year on the old brain than I initially thought. In January, I took the month off from writing after finishing my 2014 NaNo project, because I was depleted, and I thought some extra distance would help. For the record, it didn’t, and I half think I was just procrastinating because I didn’t want to edit that story. Like ever.
I was a mess in February, so let’s skip this month altogether. March, I got myself together enough to work on a revise and resubmit for “Discord” that I shouldn’t have done. I didn’t understand how to fix the story at the time, nor could I even really see the problem. So, I knew anything I could do at that point wouldn’t be enough. But I felt like I had to try because honestly, I felt guilty for not wanting to try, and I felt like it made me look ungrateful. But it had been several months, and I was exhausted and frustrated and beating my head against the wall and doing no good whatsoever. But I can’t be upset at myself about the story – it’s good work for the most part. It just fell short. The important thing is that I know where I went wrong now.
Moving on. April was unproductive – I went into “must find a story to write RIGHT NOW” mode, which produced ill results, at best. Then in May I decided to trash everything and give myself a clean slate and start over. In June and July I bounced around between so many ideas I’m surprised my head didn’t fall off. So I decided to untrash a couple of stories to give myself something productive to do, but then I did nothing with them, and they are now re-trashed.
August…I thought I finally had something. I did not. Story had more holes in it than a whack-a-mole. September…more blah and fumbling. October was the worst month yet, super stressful in every single way I can think of, right down to the very last day of the month.
During all that, I did a round of edits on the NaNo 2014 story because I was getting antsy from the non-writing and immediately wished I hadn’t started because then I felt like I had to finish, which I did, miraculously, but that time would have been better spent relaxing on Netflix as I’m still not happy with it. Not in the slightest.
November…boy was I glad to see October end!! It started a little rough, but it ended well enough. I was sick, but I wasn’t a basket-case. I finally decided that I rather not write anything for three years again than beat my head against the old brick wall one more time. Lo and behold, miracle of miracles, inspiration struck! It wasn’t all that dramatic, but I had nothing to lose so I decided to try brainstorming an idea I’d been poking out for awhile since I had nothing else in the creative realm that was calling to me.
Somehow, a couple of stories sprouted from this, and within a couple of weeks I was outlining and brainstorming and having a great time. AND I got some of my confidence back! At least enough to start another story…or three…some I could actually stick with this time, finally, thank God. ^_^
So, December has been a really good month, being sick aside. 🙂 The end of this year finds me looking forward to continuing my writing journey. I feel good and hopeful again and wildly excited about writing again. I’ve been productive! And I have many good ideas on the horizon. 2016 will be a good year. ^_^
But I can’t say 2015 has been completely horrible for writing. I finally figured out why I’d been having so much trouble with my projects. For all the specifics I tried to get into, the heart of the problem was just me stressing myself to the point where it wasn’t enjoyable anymore. I wasn’t picking the right projects, and when I did get the right project, I ruined it because I couldn’t stop stressing and worrying about it. So, if I had to suck it up this year to figure that out and get myself back on track, it’ll be worth it in the long run, hopefully.
I’m not setting any grand specific goals in general because I don’t pay attention to stuff, but I do want to stumble into some better sleeping habits. ^_^ And I also have a writing goal to finish three stories next year, maybe four. In any case, 2016 is the year of the Monkey on the Chinese calendar, starting February 8, and monkeys have fun, so this next year will be fun. 😛
CHEERS TO 2016!! ^_^