A couple of weeks ago, I had an a/c repair guy over to fix my unit because it stopped cooling AND stopped spinning outside. A week and a half later, I had another repairman over to fix a leaking faucet. Between these two events, I had two online purchases come in broken and had to deal with that. Then I got a sinus infection due to consuming a delicious caesar salad (which I can’t eat because of the parmesan, and I KNOW this! boohoo!) This same weekend I found out a publisher I wanted to query doesn’t like ghosts, and I have something that can be considered ghosts in my current story. And around this same time, also, I got some kind of weird cold (which I still have), one of my wisdom teeth started hurting, AND I found out that hybrid batteries cost, on average, about $3500. And I thought, “WHY IS EVERYTHING FALLING APART?”
Now, I don’t have a hybrid. This is where you thank your lucky stars if you’re sane. Because I’m not, and I was stressed out about ten minutes (ten minutes too long) about replacing a battery on a car I don’t have. It’s just a car I’m thinking about buying. In 2 to 3 years. That’s the very definition of what I’m talking about when I say I’m not sane.
But moving on. When you buy a lot of things online, statistically speaking, you’re going to deal with some crap at some point. Someone who doesn’t know you can’t just throw glass in a box and think it’s not going to break because you put bubble wrap on top of it, for example. How about the top AND the freaking sides and bottom?! Box within a box, much?! But I digress again.
The sinus infection could have been avoided. Easily. I shouldn’t have eaten that salad, because aged cheeses are the worst, and the night before when I ate a friend’s house, I should have just accepted her offer to make me some untainted sauce because she knows about the dairy thing, but I didn’t want to be a pain!! Grr! (My exact words: “Well, I’m not going to die…” And I didn’t. 😐 Double damage.)
That weakened my immune system and is probably why I got a virus in the first place. That and stress. In the spirit of putting things further in perspective, I still have my wisdom teeth and every so often one of them is going to hurt for about 36 hours, and I have stuff for tooth pain, so it’s really not all that much of a pain. (Haha) And really, it made no sense whatsoever for me to get upset and feel like crap about my writing because one publisher, out of many, many, doesn’t like ghosts. And the thing is, I had just found out about them! I know next to nothing about them!
Now, on paper it sounds like my sink and my a/c unit starting glitching at the same time. In reality, my a/c had been leaking freon for months (it’s so on borrowed time!), and my sink has been dripping since last winter. It wasn’t “that bad” so I’ve had a cup under it for months, and when it got full, I used it to wash my hands. Usually every couple of days. I was being resourceful! Or cheap. Whatevers. After paying to get my a/c up and running so I’ll have working heat for the winter (and air for the last muggy days of southeastern fall), I decided I might as well get my stupid sink fixed before I get too attached to my money. And this suddenly became an emergency when my sister forgot the hot water was defunct and used it, thus causing 48 oz of spillage a day, according to the cup I had catching water.
So, what does this have to do with anything? Individually, in the whole scheme of things, none of these things were a big deal. But add broken merchandise on top of paying for air, paying the plumber, having a sinus infection, then having a cold and a whiny wisdom tooth which we add to having a confidence crisis, feeling inadequate in general, and scrubbing cat pee out of a mattress for the second time in a week, (not to mention the extra laundry AND paying a dry cleaner to clean the comforter that wouldn’t fit in the machine) and you have a recipe for unproductivity whilst I freak out and ask God why he hates me. Haha.
Then (with a great amount of effort and help) I realized that this is just life and it happens to everyone, and I need to remember that. After all, no one I know has a perfect life. Though I wouldn’t mind being a tad bit more sane. Being less sane than some people, sometimes I have more bad days than average, mentally. And it’s okay! Because I know this. And just acknowledging it makes me feel better. Because then it’s not MY fault, you know. And suddenly the lack of control isn’t so stressful anymore. I know it probably sounds weird, but it makes sense to me. Then I can be like, “Oh, you, you’re so crazy.” 😐 Lol!
So needless to say, one of these weeks while the sky was falling, I did no writing. And honestly, I still don’t want to finish. But this is also okay, because this also happens.
But, while I was waiting for the plumber (which was an adventure in and of itself just getting someone to remember to come over here!), I picked project “Nevermore” up and got back to work. I’m so close to the end, I would be very much deserving of some serious smackage if I quit now.
Since the best writer to compare yourself to is yourself, I compared this story to some other ones I’ve recently shelved, and it really is better, even if it does still suck, so I’m going to finish this draft, at least, and get some feedback on it before I overthink things and throw it away again. Unless they think I also need to throw it out! But at least then it won’t all be in my head.