#WIPMarathon Report #15 (April)

April Showers Bring May Flowers… 🙂

Last report wordcount + chapter count:
Raven = scrapped story
Painted Chaos = set aside
Whisper = compiling story notes & brainstorming
DISCORD = finished another round of revisions

Current report WC + CC:
Whisper = 2113 words, shiny new Chapter One
Phantom Silence = 4907 new words out of 21282 total words, Chapter 13

WIP Issues This Month:
I don’t know if anyone remembers my “Phantom Silence” project from last fall as part of the trio or whatever of stories that I was working on when I went into the query field with DISCORD. I couldn’t focus on anything writing-related at the time. Everything I wrote felt forced and stressed me out and sounded like crap. So I put everything I was working on in “the land of being on hold” and drowned my anxiety in Netflix.

Anyway, fast forward to this month, I started reworking “Whisper” and I thought, “I can’t.” I love my new opening chapter, and I know what I want for this story, I just have no idea how to go from where I am and actually do it. So rather than force it, which I’m trying to stop doing, I’m putting it on hold. Again. Now is just not the time.

My biggest issue this month and the last few months, actually, is that I haven’t really been wanting to write at all. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in the query trenches for so long with DISCORD that all the fun had been sucked out of writing. Or if I just feel like I suck in general, and I’m tired of sucking. I told my sister not too long ago that I don’t want to do this writing thing anymore, and I really feel like I meant it, but she said I do this every year and after a break I feel better and want to write again. To be honest, most of the year my brain has been split between desperation to write and desperation to do anything but write.

To see if it would help, I asked myself what I would write if I could write whatever I wanted (because I can), and “Phantom Silence” came to mind. I don’t know why. I hadn’t looked at it in months. But I was thinking about it when I made my fancy list of pending projects last month, the whole, “if these stories were cakes, which recipe did I have the most confidence in” thing. And actually, this story had the highest score. But I punked out because I wanted to work on “Whisper” for reasons I will name in lessons learned even though I’ll sound insane, despite the fact that it was the second lowest scoring story on the list.

Anyway, one night I was like, “You know what, let’s just read over the stupid story and see how bad it is.” And you know what, I don’t have to throw anything out! It really was my state of mind at the time. It just needs…me. And I loved reading over it, and when I got to where I had left off, in the middle of a freaking chapter, of course, I kept writing. Why fight it? So that is why I have changed my mind for the thousandth time.

And unsurprisingly, all of a sudden, I’m feeling 1000 times better about everything. Lol! I guess I just needed to work on the right story. It makes all the difference in the world. <3 🙂

What I learned this month in writing:
1* You really can completely forget that you have queries out.

2* I figured out what my problem has been. Last summer I had a really hard time getting into most of the books I picked up, so I decided to go another route and read someone I KNEW was amazing. But now the problem is, I want to write as good as those people, and I have no idea how to get there. And I’m thinking maybe I can’t get there, and if I can’t, I should just give up. After all, why am I spending all this time writing if I’m not getting any better? Other than the fact that I try to stop writing, like really, and then immediately want to do nothing but write, like it’s a compulsion or something.

3* My other problem had to do with vampires again. I wrote vampire stories for over a decade, it’s just part of who I am. But it’s not the vampires I’m missing now so much as the blood. I know it probably sounds strange to say I have this strong craving for blood, but it’s true. And I realize that the reason I couldn’t settle on an idea was because the ones that are bloody aren’t working, and the ones that aren’t bloody are the only ones that are working. So I’ve been forcing a lot of stuff out lately, and there’s just no point in doing that anymore. It’s making me miserable. Maybe it’s just time for another vampire movie marathon to get it out of my system.

4* I’m really tired of being so organized all the time. I’m tired of carrying notebooks around with me. I’m tired of plotting and planning and brainstorming and taking notes and trying to figure out what I should work on next. It’s like, either write something or for the love of God shut the hell up. But really, I appreciate all the stupid notes I make when I’m in the middle of a scene and need a stray detail. Totally worth it. Lol!

What distracted me this month while writing:
I haven’t really had any distracting distractions given the fact that I barely tried to do anything at all for most of the month. And honestly, I’m a machine. Unless I’m having a crazy episode, I rarely get distracted without prior permission from my brain. And speaking of which, because I needed an activity to help me sort out my brain, I redid half of my living room last weekend, and it looks SO good. I had a lot of pent-up energy apparently.

Goal for next month:
Just keep writing. I want to take my time with this. So, I’m not imposing any deadlines on myself because I need to relax with my writing for once in my life, so I’m going to try. See if it helps.

Last 200 words:
I’ve talked too much already, and I know I probably suck, but here is 100 words anyway because why not?

Her words bring about as much comfort as they can. But it does nothing for the pain in my heart. And for once, I wish the memories of my Korin and my sister would fade. But the harder I cry, the stronger the images of them become. Until I can almost feel the heat of Korin’s skin against mine, like he is right there in front of me instead of darkness. Like he was just there a moment ago.

But if I’m to believe my senses at all, he hasn’t been in front of me in a long, long time.

Until Next Time, Peeps! ^_^

22 Responses to #WIPMarathon Report #15 (April)

  1. *hugs* I’m so glad you pulled yourself out of your funk! Writing is full of rejection, and I seriously, despite once having had an agent and now having a book out, have also felt the same lately. It’s just hard for me to juggle my work and everything else life demands with the fiction writing. I know I have to try if I want to someday make a living fiction writing (or how about… just making enough to cut back on the other work at least!), but I keep wondering what the point is and if I’ll ever have another agent or another series published. *shrugs* But I would be too sad to just totally give up–that said, I think taking a short break like you did isn’t a bad idea!

    Good luck with everything! Write what speaks to you. I have like 5 projects on hold, ha, so I think it’s a common practice with writers.

    • Lol! I’m starting to find the holding ground to be pretty useful. It reminds me that they’re there without me feeling the pressure to actually write them. ^_^ It’s like a promise to them that I will try, so I don’t have to try and juggle multiple projects, which I’m learning kind of makes me crazy.

      “What’s the point?” #thoughtswritershavebetweenprojects 🙂

  2. “What’s the point?” #thoughtswritershavebetweenprojects

    Truth. I’m just getting back into writing the novel and I have some new ideas and insights, so that’s always good. I wrote out the two-line summary and that fact that I was able to do that on this novel when I couldn’t on the last one is already an improvement to me!

    • That’s good! I judge my story confidence sometimes by how easy it is for me to explain the plot. If nothing else, the more sense a summary makes, the better a grip I have on a plot.

  3. Glad you found the story that worked for you! I find that if I’m feeling negative about writing, I tell myself I’m not allowed to write any more… which usually ends up with me back in front of the computer again within a few days. 😛 Sometimes you just need the break! It helps to work on your top-choice story, too. I have a bunch of shelved projects waiting for their turn, and they’re never as bad as I remember when I go back to them. You just have to be in the right mood! Good luck with the project! 🙂

  4. It’s really hard to be objective about your own work, but I’m glad you settled into a work that you enjoy writing. I love that you love vampires and are missing the blood – lol! I guess it comes back to writing what you love 😉

    Wishing you all the best for May with writing and querying!

  5. Sometimes a break to gain perspective is all you need. I’m so glad you got out of your funk and found the right story. We’ve all been there. I was there when I was querying, too. Take your time and get back to enjoying writing this book. It sounds like you need it as much as it needs you. Happy writing! 🙂

  6. Relaxing with writing is definitely the way to go! Generally, I think in life, taking things easy usually yields the better results. And if you want to write about vampires, I’ll say go ahead. One day they’ll be IN again. But I’m glad you’ve found a WIP you love and are willing to work on!

    It’s hard doing something when you don’t know if they would eventually yield results, but keep at it. Don’t give up.

    Love!

    • Thanks, Ifeoma! ^_^ I haven’t relaxed with my writing in about 7 years! >.< I think I'm overdue. I did get burned out writing about vampires, but I'm recovering. I think about doing a short story sometimes just to play around with the themes again. 🙂

  7. I know what you mean about being sick of being organised! I have multiple notebooks of to-do lists, multiple apps with to-do lists, notes for stories all over the place, and it’s just gotten out of hand. The reason I do all this is to try to beat procrastination, distraction, and feeling live I’ve accomplished nothing at the end of the day. I’ve found that I really only need ONE app (Evernote), and ONE notebook.

    And as Ifeoma said, easy does it. When you’re feeling more relaxed, things flow better. I’m so glad you got back into a story that took you out of your funk! I go in those cycles, too, and a lot of it has to do with what’s happening with other people and their news postings online. Sometimes stepping away for awhile and focusing on what will make you happy (what story to write) is the best thing you can do. Good luck in May 🙂

    • Exactly! When I have notes everywhere, I want to cry! I’ve recently gotten myself down to two notebooks and my phone. If I could just use my phone I would, but I can’t stand to! Thanks so much for the encouragement. ^_^

      It definitely helps a lot to take the pressure off and just forget about what everyone else is doing. I use to get really competitive, so this is new territory for me. Ha!

  8. I totally get the desperation struggle. I felt like that for the past 6 months. Desperate to write, yet oh so desperate to avoid. For me, if I’m going to avoidance mode, than there’s certainly a problem. It really is all about the story. Once I moved on to the next, I got right back into the groove that I’d though I lost.

    • Exactly! It’s always a bad sign when I can’t bring myself to stop being neurotic about something at all. Once I knew it wasn’t anything else, changing stories is the only thing I had left to do.

  9. It seems when I have time to write or ‘want’ to, I can’t, but when I don’t have time, I have this horrible urge to write. Right now, I’m forcing myself to get revisions on my MS done. I have to. Basta. And yay to getting a round done on one of your MSs! It’s better not to think about the query trenches. They’ll do what they want anyway 🙂 Go get those words!

    • ^_^ It’s like my brain puts all this pressure on me when the time is there to write and actually write something good. I have to say, it’s a huge relief to be working on something that’s moving again. Makes it a lot easier to forget about everything else. 🙂

      I hope you’re having fun with your revisions! ^_^

  10. So glad you’re feeling better. Definitely a case of ‘the right story’.
    Not I’ve managed to achieve number 1 yet! Wish I could.
    And, um, loving those 200 words!!! You most definitely do not suck. You’re just a writer and that means a (un)healthy dose of self doubt.
    Keep going.

    • Definitely! Hopefully, you don’t achieve #1. I think that comes with with a certain level of pessimism and hopelessness. Lol!

      Thank you so much! ^_^ Doubt might actually be a bigger monster than fear.

  11. I did a very similar thing this month, where I told my husband I don’t want to be a writer anymore. I am so happy when I am NOT a writer. When I am NOT a writer, I come home and actually watch TV and play Monopoly with the kids and play darts in the backyard or shoot my bow…

    But then the twisting-thing starts in my stomach, and I have to start writing again. It is SO FRUSTRATING. Why can’t I just be a teacher with hobbies? Why do I have to be addicted to writing? WRITING IS GRUELING. And miserable. And blissful and euphoric.

    Arghhhh.

    Yeah, I feel your pain. 😉

    I’m a little sad to see Raven scrapped, because that’s one of the first pieces I remember you working on when I started following your blog. But I’m glad you’re “listening” to your stories and figuring out which ones need to be written the most.

    Living room, Krystal–PICTURES!! (I love seeing where other people live! Does that make me creepy?) (Don’t answer that)

    • I can’t stop writing either! It calls for me, like I’m a magnet or something. 🙂 Then I HAVE to write or there is NO peace for Krystal!! Lol! Most of the time I’m happier when I’m writing, but there are definitely times when it’s the exact opposite, and it’s making me miserable. Happens at least once a year. Lol! It makes me feel so much better to know I’m not alone in this!!

      I’m still a little sad about Raven, too, because I love the ending to that story so much. It’s so great. I don’t what happened with the rest of it. It sounded so good in my head.

      YES! I DID take a before and after picture of the wall where I put my new entertainment center. I’ll send it to you. ^_^ (I like seeing where other people live, too. *shh*) ^_^

Hi! ^_^