April Showers Bring May Flowers… 🙂
Last report wordcount + chapter count:
Raven = scrapped story
Painted Chaos = set aside
Whisper = compiling story notes & brainstorming
DISCORD = finished another round of revisions
Current report WC + CC:
Whisper = 2113 words, shiny new Chapter One
Phantom Silence = 4907 new words out of 21282 total words, Chapter 13
WIP Issues This Month:
I don’t know if anyone remembers my “Phantom Silence” project from last fall as part of the trio or whatever of stories that I was working on when I went into the query field with DISCORD. I couldn’t focus on anything writing-related at the time. Everything I wrote felt forced and stressed me out and sounded like crap. So I put everything I was working on in “the land of being on hold” and drowned my anxiety in Netflix.
Anyway, fast forward to this month, I started reworking “Whisper” and I thought, “I can’t.” I love my new opening chapter, and I know what I want for this story, I just have no idea how to go from where I am and actually do it. So rather than force it, which I’m trying to stop doing, I’m putting it on hold. Again. Now is just not the time.
My biggest issue this month and the last few months, actually, is that I haven’t really been wanting to write at all. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in the query trenches for so long with DISCORD that all the fun had been sucked out of writing. Or if I just feel like I suck in general, and I’m tired of sucking. I told my sister not too long ago that I don’t want to do this writing thing anymore, and I really feel like I meant it, but she said I do this every year and after a break I feel better and want to write again. To be honest, most of the year my brain has been split between desperation to write and desperation to do anything but write.
To see if it would help, I asked myself what I would write if I could write whatever I wanted (because I can), and “Phantom Silence” came to mind. I don’t know why. I hadn’t looked at it in months. But I was thinking about it when I made my fancy list of pending projects last month, the whole, “if these stories were cakes, which recipe did I have the most confidence in” thing. And actually, this story had the highest score. But I punked out because I wanted to work on “Whisper” for reasons I will name in lessons learned even though I’ll sound insane, despite the fact that it was the second lowest scoring story on the list.
Anyway, one night I was like, “You know what, let’s just read over the stupid story and see how bad it is.” And you know what, I don’t have to throw anything out! It really was my state of mind at the time. It just needs…me. And I loved reading over it, and when I got to where I had left off, in the middle of a freaking chapter, of course, I kept writing. Why fight it? So that is why I have changed my mind for the thousandth time.
And unsurprisingly, all of a sudden, I’m feeling 1000 times better about everything. Lol! I guess I just needed to work on the right story. It makes all the difference in the world. <3 🙂
What I learned this month in writing:
1* You really can completely forget that you have queries out.
2* I figured out what my problem has been. Last summer I had a really hard time getting into most of the books I picked up, so I decided to go another route and read someone I KNEW was amazing. But now the problem is, I want to write as good as those people, and I have no idea how to get there. And I’m thinking maybe I can’t get there, and if I can’t, I should just give up. After all, why am I spending all this time writing if I’m not getting any better? Other than the fact that I try to stop writing, like really, and then immediately want to do nothing but write, like it’s a compulsion or something.
3* My other problem had to do with vampires again. I wrote vampire stories for over a decade, it’s just part of who I am. But it’s not the vampires I’m missing now so much as the blood. I know it probably sounds strange to say I have this strong craving for blood, but it’s true. And I realize that the reason I couldn’t settle on an idea was because the ones that are bloody aren’t working, and the ones that aren’t bloody are the only ones that are working. So I’ve been forcing a lot of stuff out lately, and there’s just no point in doing that anymore. It’s making me miserable. Maybe it’s just time for another vampire movie marathon to get it out of my system.
4* I’m really tired of being so organized all the time. I’m tired of carrying notebooks around with me. I’m tired of plotting and planning and brainstorming and taking notes and trying to figure out what I should work on next. It’s like, either write something or for the love of God shut the hell up. But really, I appreciate all the stupid notes I make when I’m in the middle of a scene and need a stray detail. Totally worth it. Lol!
What distracted me this month while writing:
I haven’t really had any distracting distractions given the fact that I barely tried to do anything at all for most of the month. And honestly, I’m a machine. Unless I’m having a crazy episode, I rarely get distracted without prior permission from my brain. And speaking of which, because I needed an activity to help me sort out my brain, I redid half of my living room last weekend, and it looks SO good. I had a lot of pent-up energy apparently.
Goal for next month:
Just keep writing. I want to take my time with this. So, I’m not imposing any deadlines on myself because I need to relax with my writing for once in my life, so I’m going to try. See if it helps.
Last 200 words:
I’ve talked too much already, and I know I probably suck, but here is 100 words anyway because why not?
Her words bring about as much comfort as they can. But it does nothing for the pain in my heart. And for once, I wish the memories of my Korin and my sister would fade. But the harder I cry, the stronger the images of them become. Until I can almost feel the heat of Korin’s skin against mine, like he is right there in front of me instead of darkness. Like he was just there a moment ago.
But if I’m to believe my senses at all, he hasn’t been in front of me in a long, long time.
Until Next Time, Peeps! ^_^