That Time I Hated My Story For No Reason

Once upon a time, a girl was struck by this AWESOME-fied idea for a story. After getting over the initial new story excitement and subsequent bouts of self-doubt over the idea that happens with EVERY single idea she has, she sat down to write a story.

And she wrote and wrote and wrote and was having a blast! Soon(ish), the first draft was finished to MUCH celebrations, and she immediately stuffed the story into a virtual drawer to sit while she twiddled her thumbs worked on her query letter and synopsis and compiled a long(ish) list of revision notes.

After a couple of weeks, she went back to her draft and started the much celebrated task of editing, revising, and pulling stuff apart. Lots of fun was had between rounds of delirious fun and frustration, and when the draft was all shiny and sparkling, she gathered a bit of feedback here and there and prepared to send the story out.

But then the fear set in. No, she can’t! Her throat closed up. A cold sweat broke out on the back of her neck. It’s terrible. She can’t do this! She can’t let people see it! So, she busted out the claws and hovered over it, looking for eyeballs to scratch out!…but something happened as her eyes scanned the pages again. The beauty of the story immediately pulled her in. Love set in once more, and she was in paradise. So out the story went, like a baby bird…

And then that first rejection rolled in like a heavy, dark cloud on a beautiful sunshiny day. And she HATED her story.

It only took one. And then the obsessing started. Everyone must hate it! Why did she start the story that way? She knew that one sentence in chapter three ruined EVERYthing! Why, oh, WHY did she send that story out? She got such great feedback on her opening pages. Why did no one want to read her story?!

And then it happened! A request rolled in. A FULL REQUEST! But wait…did she suddenly love her story again? Oh no…

Because she didn’t have anyone read over the entire story before she sent it out! :O Tis true. She did not.

So now she’s worried about things in the middle of the story. Did she explain that right? Does this make sense? Maybe it wasn’t okay for that one character to be bi. Maybe she shouldn’t have written a book with a blonde main character, and now she looks like she doesn’t like other hair colors, and she SO DOES!!

And why is everyone taking so long anyway? They’ve gotten positive responses back to people quicker than this according to QueryTracker? OMG, they DO hate it! She’ll never sleep again. Why did she query this without having someone read the whole thing first?!

Then one day she wakes up, and it’s like, “Girl Fries, pull your ass together.” Like really. She did the best she could. She LOVES this story. It’s awesome! If they don’t like it, they don’t like it. She has other ideas. She can query again. She’s strong. There’s hope.

The sun is behind those clouds, and she’s okay. And it’s okay for her to like, no LOVE her story, no matter what happens.

The End

I know I can’t be the only one who falls into a crazy love-hate relationship with my stories sometimes. I eventually get the neuroticism in check and move on, but it happens with everything, even the stories I’m SO sure it won’t happen to!

But I’ll get over it. I have to. Because I’m a writer. And writers write. I’ll always have stories to tell. I’ve been telling stories my entire life. And I’ll tell stories until I die

So, after a few weeks of riding the post story roller coaster, I get off and work on something else to calm my mind. Because it is the ONLY way to calm my mind when I’m obsessing over a story I sent out. I need proof that I have other stories in me. Of course, I do, but it helps so much to see it for myself.

And the thing is, I love my stories. ALL of them. The rejected ones. The bad ones. The embarrassing ones. The great ones. The lukewarm ones. The unfinished ones. They’re pieces of my soul. I can’t hate them. I don’t want them all to be published, because some of them should never see the light of day, but I love them. And it truly makes me sad to know that at one point, I hated them for no reason. It’s like hating myself. And let’s not do that.

(hugs pile of poorly written crap)

18 Responses to That Time I Hated My Story For No Reason

  1. Awwww. Yeah, I don’t think they like it when we’re not nice to them. And just because something doesn’t catch someone else’s eye…well…that doesn’t we can’t like them! Or use them for something else. Or read them years later and acknowledge the mistakes and weak parts, but laugh at the jokes and like our characters.

  2. I wish every struggling writer would read this post. =)

    The cycle is vicious and can lead to insanity, but it makes us who we are, eh? I LOVE that you love all of your stories. I do too…except this one that won’t let me write it. Ug. All outlined too, but the characters are standing there, arms crossed, waving a finger and saying, “No you don’t!” Stubborn characters. Guess I just need to distract them with cheese…

    Here’s to an epic 2015, and if you need a reader/critiquer in the future, I’m totally here for you.

    • Aw, thank you. ^_^
      It’s definitely a hard knock life out there for writers. I have a couple of stubborn stories myself that won’t budge, not even when I push them. Kill them with kindness maybe? 🙂

  3. Awee, I feel ya. I am constantly in a love-hate relationship with my writing. And your right, because the stories are a part of you, it’s really difficult not to target yourself when the vicious cycle begins. But the good thing you touched on was coming to term with your stories. At one point you loved it and that love never really quite goes away!

  4. OMG that cracked me up! So, so, so true. I think you have encapsulated what every writer in the query trenches goes through. Good luck with the full.
    A writer’s got to write and it’s the best way to distract. Our words are our soul – the good , the bad, the ugly.

  5. LOL. No, Krystal, you are *clearly* the only one! XP
    Sometimes I may be in love with the idea, but the execution not so much.

  6. Awww, we can all relate to this little fairy tale, Krystal! My favorite line was the end where you hugged your pile of poorly written crap. Now I feel inspired to find my own sad little pile of neglected poorly written crap and give it a tender little squeeze.

Hi! ^_^