So, I’ve decided not to quit.
A few days after I finished the first draft of “The Fury” … I was in an interesting mood. And my theory is that I was pre-freaking out. There are a couple of contests this summer, I think, plus querying, cause might as well, and we all know how that is. I always get depressed and want to quit, but somehow or another, I always think of ONE reason to keep going. And there’s really only one reason. This time it’s because I’ve never submitted a first person story. Like, how can I quit? I haven’t tried everything yet!
I know I’m thinking too far ahead. It’s what I do. This time I decided that no matter what happens, I can’t quit because I haven’t submitted the story I drew out of the cup yet. Right? Like, why pick an idea out of a cup and then not try it, right?!
When I submitted my first project ever, Sudden Fury, I continued a year later on the basis that I felt coerced by family members who don’t quite understand how this works to send out something that was “finished,” not to mention the fact that this story was a mess. I love it, but it’s a wreck and shelving it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Painful. (And oh my gosh, I get why my music teacher was always on my case now for keeping my nails trimmed, they are seriously getting in the way right now.)
After submitting Dark was the Night, I kept going on the basis that I got some positive rejections. (Lol!) But really, they actually made me really happy and gave me a lot of hope.
After From out of the Ashes, (I love my long titles, don’t I?) I continued because I knew that story was mediocre and needed a heck of a lot of more work. I quit working on it after a year and half of the most horrible writing experience ever, honestly, because I was sick of it. (I knew I needed help and I tried to get help, and literally no one I asked would help me. One person even said they lost it. o_O) So since it was “done” I sent it out. We all make mistakes. ^_^
After a three year hiatus, during which I questioned my sanity (literally – I was in therapy), my motives, my dreams, my story ideas, and my talent, I got back on the submission horse with Stone of Darkness/Eternal Nightfall, and only submitted again after that because I wanted to submit another vampire-free story (From out of the Ashes didn’t have vampires in it). This time, a GOOD vampire-free story.
So I tried again with Chains of Destiny and only agreed to keep going after this because of how much that story was out of my element. Maybe it sucks and I just can’t tell because I didn’t know what I doing, yes?
So I half tried with How Deep Is My Darkness (God, I hate typing that title) and then quit submitting because I was exhausted. (I actually have a lot to say about this story but another time.)
As it stands, I’m only really trying again because “The Fury” is first person. Also, I’m not tired anymore. And more also, I have no hope, so who really cares. By the time I get around to submitting it, I’ll be knee deep what I’m now calling Phantom Silence, aka the cup story, aka my next project, and I spent 3 days on a title change because I had to change my working title before I got stuck on it because it was hideous. All my focus will be on that story leaving me free to submit “The Fury” in peace. (And that title is in quotes for no reason at all. Lol!)
Great plan, eh? Yeah, I’m thinking about “The Fury” right now and questioning my sanity for even agreeing to write it. I’m in that limbo phase, where I’m attacking it. (I’m compiling revision notes, it’s my process – don’t judge. Lol!) The high has worn off and I realize it’s not perfect so I have to to assume it sucks until I finish a round of edits so I’ll do what I need to do. I actually hate this phase because I hate thinking that something I just spent 3 months on sucks.
The good news is, my revision notes page is half the size it normally is. That’s also the bad news. Not a lot is coming to mind and this is not normal… kind of making me want to reconsider my “do not bother people with my crap” policy.
Okay, lost my train of thought. Lol!
So that’s my plan: edit and then submit while I work on Phantom Silence. For once I might actually have a proper submission distraction (other than potato chips and television). And that title makes me laugh. Lol! I can see the cover for it already. Hmm…off to picmonkey I go.