Hello, my name is Krystal, and I think too much. cue chorus of drones “Hi, you!”
I had a very bad day this past weekend (I’m honestly crazy so it happens), and I was up late writing a rather intense, and seriously creepy scene at 3 am to the hum of the HVAC, and I thought, “How have I never been able to write scenes like this before?” Now, I had a lot of fun, new things in my last story, and some really intense scenes, but nothing quite like this. So the next day I was still down (and now sleep deprived) and thinking/obsessing about it, and I realized: I can do this because no one is watching me! Now I realize, no one is ever watching me. But that day, I realized what exactly that means.
When I first started writing, I wrote with wild abandon. I had all this freedom. I wrote whatever I wanted. However I wanted. There were no boundaries. No limits. I could be wildly inappropriate, and I loved every second of it. But I lost this somewhere between tenth grade (when I started getting serious about getting feedback) and college (when I started paying too much attention to myself). I didn’t reclaim it until my last story. So if you can imagine, I’m like a caged jungle cat who just now realizes it’s been set free after having spent quite a few years in captivity. VENGEANCE! I mean, I’m really, really having fun now. ^_^
I realize this probably makes me sound crazy, but if you’ve ever been like, worrying about what you write all the time, and then suddenly you’re not anymore, it’s just such a great feeling. ^_^
Example time! ^_^ (Bear with me, folks, I do have a point.) In my last vampire story, I have a scene where the vampire wants to suck my MC’s blood. In exchange, he’ll give her privileged information. Now, she is from a powerful line of witches so her blood is like super awesome gravy to the guy. He’s a little intoxicated afterwards so my super shy heroine decides to take advantage of him. So where am I going with this? To this day, that is the ONLY scene in that entire story that I don’t like. (Like, seriously.) It had the potential to be like really powerful and amazing and even a little sexy, and instead, it was just kind of awkward. I froze. I started thinking, “Are people going to think I’m weird?” (And I’m a proud weirdo, people!) And yet earlier, in that same story, I had another vampire picking up a skank at bar and taking her out back to do the vampire thing with her. No problem. That was a dude’s POV though. And things like that were always easier for me from a guy’s POV. Because they don’t think as much, right? Lol!
But “Winter” is first person from a girl’s POV. I would have no escape! But I didn’t want one. Because now that I realize no one is standing over my shoulder reading everything I write as I type it, I suddenly don’t have that paranoid, overthinking everything I write problem anymore. And that is great news, because this story wouldn’t work if I was doing that. You know, I knew there was a reason I love my last story so much. It gave me my freedom back! Those characters were confident for me until I could find it again myself. They completely took charge and made me forget that I was writing a story. They talked, and I just wrote. So simple. And it was incredible. And to that story I have two things to say. One – “Sorry I yelled at you last time I was PMSing. I’m really sorry.” and Two – “Have I bought you cake? Here’s cake.” ^_^ I realize I may have already said this about this story, but it’s worth repeating. I love those people, and I’m a much better writer for having met them. *tips imaginary hat*
So, I promised a NaNoWriMo Update. I’ve been a little lazy this week, buying some books, wrapping Christmas presents (I told you people I was crazy!), going to bed on time, and other terrible what-nots. I’m not super happy with the pacing in my last scene and will be editing it tonight, but things are going good and overall, I am very happy. The plot is thickening. Secrets are being revealed. ^_^ I really wish you could read it.
Current NaNoWriMo Word Count: 43,965
Yes, I would like a cookie and a party, because I’m awesome. There are two weeks left. Can I finish this draft? Can I? I dunno, but that winner’s badge will be in my paws before the weekend’s up! ^_^