I often find it hilarious that writers can say the craziest things and no one blinks an eye. Hidden in this list are some things I’ve said to my own friends or family members and they never look at me like I’m crazy. Of course I’m sure part of that is that they already think I’m crazy, so….
Crazy Things Writers Say
1 – I can’t decide if I want to kill Grandma or not.
2 – What’s the best way to break into a small bank’s safe? I know they need to go at night, but like, do they need to blow the lock up or something? With what?
3 – How long will it take the police to get to a house in the boonies?
4 – How long should I leave him tied up? It’s for laughs so I’m pretty sure 8 hours is too long? I mean, the guy’s gonna have to pee at some point, right? I don’t want him to pee on himself. Or the bed. That’s unsanitary. So like, an hour? An hour’s not long enough…maybe two hours?
5 – I was going to let Grandma die of old age, but I don’t think that’s traumatic enough. I really need my girl to be traumatized, you know.
6 – I might need to kill Beta. Think I should tell her?
7 – I was just driving down the road this morning when this guy started talking to me in my head…
8 – I made her. You think I’d be able to control her, but no…
9 – If I crashed the car on Main Street at 9 a.m., there’s no possibility that a school bus could run over it, right?
10 – I thought about giving him a battle axe, but I think it’s a little over the top. Maybe a hatchet would be better. (pause) What’s a hatchet? Look it up! OMG!
11 – She likes her name, but she keeps giving me these little, secretive smiles. It’s really starting to creep me out. I’m a little afraid of her. I’m not going to be able to kill her, am I?
12 – I need everyone in her family to die, so how do I get them all on the boat together?
13 – Can you poison someone by kissing them with poison laced lip gloss? No, wait…it would poison the person wearing the lip gloss, wouldn’t it?!
14 – Ever kissed someone with chapped lips before? Like really chapped…Like really flaky and stuff?
15 – I mean, she’s just going to be standing there looking into his window. The window’s on the second floor. I should probably leave the blinds open so she can see him.
16 – It’s spur of the moment. What are the odds that she’s going to have dark colors on?
17 – I GOT IT! If I make her a minor character, that will totally throw people off!
18 – Um, I’m not going to have him drinking her blood for no reason. That’s gross.
19 – He’s not a real vampire. Vampires don’t act like that. Duh.
20 – How many shots can a heavyweight drink before they pass out?
21 – Is it weird if he sleeps on her couch? She has a roommate…do you think the roommate would mind having a strange guy sleeping on the couch?
Hmm, wonder if I should make this a part one…