Pity Party

start pity party

This will be the very first time I’ve had to throw a story away I couldn’t find anything wrong with (I don’t see a lack of a full fledged love story as a problem, but maybe it is.) To say this sucks is an understatement. All that work (writing, querying, researching agents) just down the drain…all for nothing. I don’t ever to want to go through with this again.

But I guess I have to. If I don’t submit my new story, I won’t be able to live with myself until I do. I have to try. So I might as well get it over with…when it’s ready, of course. Maybe this next time I’ll go into things with a more pessimistic attitude. Maybe then it won’t hurt as bad. There’s not a big love story in this new one either. At least it doesn’t look that way so far, but I’m only 6 chapters in and I have nothing planned out.

I thought about sending out more queries, but my line of thinking is: if the last bunch wasn’t interested…why would this next bunch be any different? It won’t be.

I guess this is the entry I didn’t want to write that week I skipped. I didn’t want to whine. No one likes to hear it. But I’m sad about my story and haven’t wanted to talk to anyone about it. Not even myself. I haven’t even cried over it. I keep trying to remind myself that I have lots of stories to tell. I’ve thrown away 11 other novels! And sure I lamented over many of them, but when that day came to toss them into the abyss of the story graveyard, I did. With this one, I’m standing at the edge of the cliff with it and I feel so guilty for wanting to throw it over the edge. I tossed the rest of this series into the abyss already though. I feel bad for failing my characters. I’m almost relieved. Part of me felt like I was biting off a bit more than I could chew. Maybe if I approach the rest of the series from another angle, I can finish it one day. Right now, there’s no point.

That’s part of the problem. I was going to finish it anyway. I plotted everything out. I started the next book. And then I just quit, blaming stress over the query process, but I don’t think that’s it. I don’t think it’s fear over having a split view point with with a likeable character and an unlikeable one. Maybe it’s lack of full-fledged love story. Maybe agents really are that scared of anything that has a vampire in it. Maybe the concept is just not commercial enough and there’s no audience for it. I don’t know. And it sucks that I never will.

I wanted to consider this my official throwing Eternal Nightfall in the trash. I still have 7 outstanding queries but I’m writing those off as non-responders. And part of me wants to keep trying. But I can’t do this myself anymore. I’m not one of those people who can get beat down and just bounce back up again. But still, I won’t throw the stupid book over the cliff. I just hold on it because I’m afraid there’s still something I can do to save it and make it better…or at least more likeable. I just wish I had someone who could tell me what’s the right thing to do here.

end pity party

Hi! ^_^