Late Autumn Rambling

A few weeks ago, I woke up to an email from a non-fiction author about how he gets lazy this year (#same), and that to counteract this, he was going to add a long list of things to accomplish by the end of the year, in addition to whatever else he has to do. At first, I was like, “This is a great idea!” And it would be a great idea in ordinary circumstances.

But while I was sitting there thinking about things to add to my own productivity list, I started to feel stressed. I could 100% probably finish another book by the end of the year. Thing is: I just really don’t want to. I’m not currently tired, as of the day and time I’m writing this, but a few weeks ago, I was exhausted. The thought of pushing myself to do anything was making the exhaustion worse. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to do anything at all.

So, I decided that my only goal between now and the end of the year is to figure out a way to get to bed, lights off, by 1:00. That may sound late, but for the last 18 months or so, it’s been the most difficult thing ever for me to fall asleep before 4:00, regardless of when I go to bed, but I figure, going to bed earlier has to help right? Like, I’m not a vampire, you know.

I’m still writing a little bit, kind of, because I want to for some reason, and I’m not all that tired in general. I just realized that morning that I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life in a constant state of stress about something, and I just don’t want to stress myself out right now. And writing deadlines and long to-do lists stress me out.

I have a piece of paper on my wall that outlines how productive I can be if I get up at 7:00. Going to bed at 1:00 might actually get me there. It’s kind of interesting, to me, but the earlier I fall asleep, the less sleep I appear to need, provided I get at least 6 hours of shut eye. Of course, this list has been on my wall for at least a year. I was inspired to map it out after a webinar I attended on productivity hacks. Writing my schedule out like that helped me see that the single biggest issue is the fact that I wake up too late to do anything but rush to work in the morning. I try to make up for it by staying up late, but I’m often too tired – for obvious reasons – so everything I do takes longer and uses up energy I don’t have, so I’m always operating on a deficit.

Not to mention, that throws my brain chemistry off, and I end up obsessing about all kinds of weird things in the wee hours of the morning. The latest thing I obsessed about was what kind of contacts to get (brand and replacement schedule) and if the eye place messed up my prescription again (they did) and what I should do about it (go somewhere else next time). Took me two weeks to make a decision. Lots of long nights, and because it took me so long, my contacts didn’t show up until yesterday, and I needed to get out of the ones the eye place gave me, because my eyes hated them, and it’s a struggle with my glasses because my eyesight is so bad.

So, yeah, this is the kind of post that happens when I don’t have my crap together. I have all these posts drafts and all these writing topics I can talk about, and instead, I go on and on about how unmotivated I am.

In any case, the blog will be silent next week because of Thanksgiving, and as of typing this up, I have no idea where I’m going to be next Wednesday. So have a great Thanksgiving, if you’re in America, and I’ll see you at the end of the month! πŸ™‚

Here’s a random Ziggy comic from May 4, 2012. #relatedtothepost

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